How to message someone you know on a dating site

The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes! Talking about specific things that interest you or that you might have in common with someone is a time-honored way to make a connection, and we have proof here that it works. Awkward , sorry , apologize , kinda , and probably all made male messages more successful, yet none of them except sorry affects female messages.

A lot of real-world dating advice tells men to be more confident, but apparently hemming and hawing a little works well online.

There’s more to it than you think

It could be that appearing unsure makes the writer seem more vulnerable and less threatening. It could be that women like guys who write mumbly. Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion. These are the religious terms that appeared a statistically significant number of times. Atheist actually showed up surprisingly often times per 10, messages, second only to mentions of christian and ahead of for jewish and for muslim. But ideally you should just disbelieve the whole thing.

The program then aggregated results by phrase before presenting the data.


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No one at OkCupid read any actual user messages to compile this post. Written by Christian Rudder. Just look at the success of self-proclaimed introvert Susan Cain's wildly popular book Quiet: Her book has sold millions of copies worldwide, a TEDtalk she gave on the topic has been viewed over 19,, times and counting, and she reportedly gets paid five-figures for a single appearance.

While there's some overlap between being shy and being an introvert, Cain spelled out the difference during her interview in TIME , saying that "shyness is fear of social judgment and humiliation, and introversion is really preference for less stimulation. If you've ever stopped to think about it, some of the most powerful people in the world are introverts, like Mark Zuckerberg, Marissa Mayer, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama. Introverts are taking over and people are noticing — including those who run dating websites.

So if the idea of socializing in a noisy bar or trying to make conversation in large groups is your personal idea of hell, there are dating services out there that cater to your specific needs. Have a hard time coming up with what words to say to someone you're into?

4 Steps to The Perfect Online Dating Message

There's an app for that. Prefer to make meaningful connections without revealing what you look like? We found a few websites with features that can let you do just that too. To help you heighten your odds of finding the person to match your awesomeness, we rounded up 10 of the best dating sites for introverts just like you.

We're using cookies to improve your experience. Click Here to find out more. Online dating is basically the best thing that ever happened to introverts. Best for ease of use. Zoosk Super easy sign up process with a very short learning curve. With over 30 million app downloads, you can find over 40,, singles worldwide on Zoosk. Like a good wingman or wing woman , Zoosk starts to understand you more and more as time goes on to help introduce you to the person you can spend the night or rest of your life with.

The site's unique algorithm recognizes your preferences through the actions you take.

The more you interact with the site, the better it can match you with your ideal human. The SmartPick can really be your best friend, serving as the best icebreaker. If both you and someone you're interested in both vote "yet" on each other's profiles, the SmartPick feature will let you know the good news by email and shoot you a message in your Zoosk inbox.

Matching With Someone You Know On Tinder - AskMen

What it'll cost you: Best for focused dating. To get started, just fill out the Relationship Questionnaire , and once you're confirmed as legit, the website will start sending you your compatible matches. How it helps introverts: You know what that means? Also, your profile is only visible to the people who are a good match for you, so the experience can help to narrow your potentials down to only those who are actually a good fit.

There's also Guided Communication, a four-step program of communication with your matches. Basically, its a series of questions that help to break the ice. If that doesn't work, the site also offers free dating advice at Love and Harmony. Not ready for a long commitment just yet?

Exactly What To Say In A First Message

Check out eharmony here. Best for working professionals. Elite Singles For people who have busy lives and careers, Elite Singles is the dating site for you because it's aimed directly at successful professionals looking for other successful singles who are not often found on traditional dating sites. Elite Singles says it's users are mainly educated, relatively affluent, adults between the ages of 30 and 55 who are in search of long-term commitment.

The site breakdown by gender works out to be 56 percent women and 44 percent men. In order to find like-minded matches, Elite Singles has you take an in-depth personality test. The test will evaluate you on your level of openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Based on the results, the smart profiling can send you 3 to 7 compatible matches every day.

Since the personality test can identify the traits that really make you who you are, the dating service can match you with exactly the type of personality you'd be most compatible with. Each membership requires that you pay the entire duration upfront. Sign up for Elite Singles here. Best for something serious. Match Aimed at singles over 30 who are looking for serious relationships instead of something casual.

Getting Started On Clover

Find out yourself by clicking here. In short, this site is probably filled with your neighbors, old coworkers, new coworkers, and more. Match is pretty popular with members with diverse backgrounds who share a few common goals: Match is pretty much an open dating service. There's absolutely no limit to who you connect with, or how often. After you set your dating criteria, the site will display possible matches.

You can tweak or fine-tune the results as you wish. If you enjoy browsing anonymously, there's a feature called Incognito Mode that allows you to view profiles without the other person knowing. Meet your perfect match and sign up for Match.


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